When I Was a Child, I Spake as a Child….

God is an elusive construct.  Simply stated, this is because he is no “thing” and thus cannot be constructed.  Here, I am about to venture into a territory verboten in the faith tradition I was born into, philosophy.  And, I remember so vividly how higher learning in general, and especially philosophy, was totally dismissed. And, I understand that philosophy can be off-putting as it appears to have no end…and technically it doesn’t.  But the word philosophy merely means the love of knowledge and those who scoff at the subject usually do so because they “love” the little puddle of knowledge they live in and are not willing to broaden its parameters a bit.  Philosophy intrinsically “broadens” the parameters of knowledge, though it does not have to be endless.

God is just a word and we first heard it in the context of the “little puddle” that we lived in.  It was just a sound, “G-o-d” which initially was a simple part of the verbal cacophony we were discovering and trying to make sense of.  In time this word was distinguished from that medley and found to have meaning that in my case was very significant.  And it took me decades to realize and appreciate the degree to which “the little puddle” that I was born into shaped the meaning that had accrued to that simple sound, “g-o-d.”

But as an adult I have acquired some ability to discern the subtleties of this term…or at least the presence of these subtleties.  This corresponds with the ongoing maturity process which has allowed me to discover the myriad subtleties that constitute my own heart, a realization without which I would be unable to recognize subtleties in others, including in the term, “g-o-d.”

God is now an adventure as He is no longer an abstraction to me, but some “thing” (which is no “thing”) that is woven into my very being.  The exploration of the notion of God now involves the exploration of my heart, including those dimensions long hidden beneath the ideological constructions that I’ve had of Him…and of myself.

Remember Donovan, a 1960’s rock star?  One line from a ditty of his was, “First there is mountain, then there is no mountain, then there is.”  Indulge this cryptic and obscure point, but, “First there was a god, then there was no god, then (now) there is.”  I had to lose “god” to find Him just as I had to lose myself to find myself.  This loss of ego, actually an ongoing process, allows me to approach God…and the whole of life…with more humility than I had when I was ensconced in that “little puddle.”

God and the Unconscious

God is beyond the grasp of our conscious mind.  But Christianity, especially since the Protestant Reformation, thinks otherwise.  I emphasize “thinking” because when it comes to faith, it is relevant to the observation that James Baldwin made about race, dismissing Caucasians as, “People who think they are white.”  Baldwin was making a profound observation about thought, implicitly noting there is nothing wrong with being white but that the problem arises with thinking.  Whiteness exists before a child learns the concept of “white” but when he does learn it, and it becomes a thought, he then is able to use it to distinguish it and even himself from others.  The child has entered the ego’s domain of hierarchy and like all ego’s it gears up toward mastery, superiority, and control.  He quickly realizes that the white skin pigment is special. But the same problem is present in a culture in which one’s religion is excessively “thinking” oriented as it can become so rational that the dimension of “being” a Christian is unknown.  One has the thoughts…and they are often very noble thoughts…but often they miss the experience, his faith being merely cognitive in that he relies only on memory, the whole of his Christian life being one of rote recall from his memory bank.  The notion of “being” is completely beyond the pale.  And this approach to faith allows smooth functioning in our culture which has no idea of what in hell one is talking about with the notion of “being.”  This facilitates an “enculturated faith”, one that is mostly or even wholly bound by the whims and fancies of the prevailing culture.  This faith cannot fulfill the prophetic function that is an essential dimension of religion.

I want to share here a very profound poem by Ranier Rilke which conveys the presence of something that is beyond the grasp of our conscious mind.  This “thing” is deeply buried in the depths of t he heart, very much related to the unconsciousness, and wants to find expression.  It is the essence of the life impulse, very much related to what Christians call the Holy Spirit:

 

No one lives his life.

Disguised since childhood,

haphazardly assembled from voices and fears and little pleasures,

we come of age as masks. Our true face never speaks.

Somewhere there must be storehouses where all these lives are laid away

like suits of armour or old carriages

or clothes hanging limply on the walls.

 

Maybe all the paths lead there to the repository of unlived things.

 

And yet, though you and I struggle against this deathly clutch of daily necessity,

I sense there is this mystery All life is being lived.

Who is living it then?

 

Is it the things themselves, or something waiting inside them, like an unplayed melody in a flute?

 

Is it the winds blowing over the waters?

Is it the branches that signal to each other?

Is it the flowers interweaving their fragrances or streets, as they wind through time?

 

Is it the animals, moving, or the birds, that suddenly rise up?

 

Who lives it then?

God, are you the one who is living life?

 

Faith is Not the Same as Belief

I have noted often the parallel to many evangelical’s confidence in Donald Trump with their confidence in their Christian faith.  To be more specific, I have noted that they have a belief in Trump that closely resembles their belief in Jesus.  This belief is irresolute, unassailable, rigid; it makes them a “True Believer” in the vein of the famous sociology work by Eric Hoffer decades ago.

Belief is good, certainly belief in a spiritual figure but also in a political leader.  But belief can go beyond the pale to the point that it ceases to have anything to do with the object believed in, but in the belief itself.  No less an evangelical luminary that Oswald Chambers noted this in his Collected Works when he warned of the danger of “believing in one’s belief.” This notion would have fallen on deaf ears had I heard it in my youth.  Now I understand; for “belief” is a rational comprehension of something, and this certainly has its place.  But “faith” takes one into a further domain than mere belief, into that area of something, “hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”  Rational understanding of our world and even of theology and religion is very important.  But there is a dimension of life, and certainly of faith, in which reason will leave us empty-handed and the “empty-handedness” is where faith is called for. This understanding is why theologian Paul Tillich noted in the mid 20^th century, “A religion confined to the bounds of reason is a mutilated religion.”

The Joy of Being Wrong

I often wonder why I hang on to my faith, given that my mind and heart is so rife with cynicism, not just because of what I see in the world but what I see and have seen in my own spiritual life.  A significant part of the answer to this quandary is that my faith is no longer any thing to “hang onto” but is now very personal, increasingly intrinsic to the very core of my being.  I no longer feel any need to “believe the right way” so that I can have a place in a religious community; for who can define “right” in the first place?  I find that often those who are so assured of believing “the right way” are the most dogmatic and obnoxious and I understand completely.  I once lived there myself.  The need to “believe the right way” paralleled the need to “be right” in every way, a stance in life I now see so clearly was just an effort to cover up the abysmal sense of “wrongness” that gripped my heart.  This subject always brings up one of the most important books of my life, “The Joy of Being Wrong” by James Alison.  To summarize Alison’s point, “Once you can give up on the need to be right, it takes the pressure off.  Yes, here and there you have to stare at “wrong-ness” in your heart and life, and there you can find forgiveness, and discover the power and freedom to walk forward in one’s life.”  The only thing wrong with being wrong is the failure to acknowledge it.  (Hmm.  Does this remind you of any world leader right now?)

The Hypocrisy in Pro-Life Culture

I’m really angry at those in my country who have put Trump in the position where he can pose such an imminent threat to our welfare, not to mention the entire world.  He continues to demonstrate his mental instability; but, the more he does so the greater the intensity of his support base.  They are completely enthralled by him; they are powerless. Another source of my frustration and anger is watching him court the evangelicals, knowing that he can toss “red meat” to them and many of them will continue to grovel before him.  For example, the abortion issue has been the issue which led many of them to pledge their loyalty to him, their argument being that “protecting the unborn” was so important that they would overlook Trump’s moral failures..

I would like to explore the abortion issue this morning from my personal experience.  I vividly recall a Saturday morning when I was 20 years of age, participating in a pro-life march down the main street of Albany, Oregon.  I was the youth pastor in a small Southern Baptist church in that city and basically had no idea in the hell who I was.  Being caught up in a culture that gave me some pretense of an identity, I dutifully participated in this march feeling very self-conscious each step of the way.  Something about this experience made me uncomfortable though at that time I did not know what it was.

Now I do.   I was an “enculturated” fundamentalist Christian at the time and was “dutifully” complying with the guilt-ridden dictates of the moment.  But I was at the threshold of breaking through the bonds of guilt, or at least beginning the process; the “process” is ongoing four decades later.  When one is guilt-ridden, fear is at the root of everything he thinks, does, and says.  He is not capable of “thinking through” what is going on in his heart and life as he is driven by needs, hungers, and fears that he has not found the courage to address.  At that moment, walking down that street with an ignoble noble cause in my mind, something redemptive was stirring in the depths of my soul.

The guilt/fear amalgam compels one to glom onto ideas and behaviors which thwart the underlying emotional/spiritual conflagration that is raging.  For example, just a couple of years earlier than this march in Albany, Oregon I remember conducting an informal poll in my high school in Arkansas about who “cheats” on tests.  I was full of righteous indignation as I knew that cheating was common place.  BUT, I now realize my primary concern with this self-indulgent polling was to announce that I did not cheat.  And I didn’t!  No, I did not cheat, nor did I “smoke, drink, chew, or go with the girls that do.”  I had to have a bunch of things that I “didn’t do” to assure me that I was okay, assuaging the deep-seated, unconscious awareness that I was not okay.  The irony of this was that I purported to belief in Jesus who was supposed to have left me free of this stifling guilt!

The abortion issue is important.  AND, I am passionately not “pro” abortion; there are other options.  But I am pro-wisdom and human wisdom can understand that even with abortion there are times it is the prudent choice to make.   But it has become a “Cause” that some people have allowed it to take on such importance they are doing grave harm to the entire country, and potentially the world.  The irony of their intense stance on the abortion issue is that now Trump is about to have the war he needs to win re-election and can they not realize that many lives will be lost…and that will include women who are carrying unborn babies???

I often, when pursuing a vein of thought as I am doing here, come to the bumper sticker wisdom, “Don’t believe everything you think.”  Being opposed to abortion is a valid sentiment to hold.  But, perhaps thinking about the matter a bit further could bring “the pauser reason” to the table and one could realize that there is always a bigger picture than needs to be given attention.  And yes, even the meta-cognition which I have in scads needs that same attention…and does get it!

Furthermore, this “pauser reason” might lead one to consider the possibility that Trump is merely taking advantage of them.

The Value of Hypocrisy, i.e. “Making Nice”

The hypocrisy I’ve written about the past couple of days can be approached with the notion of “making nice.”  And “making nice,” including “making Christian nice” has its place as common civility, decorum, and respect for others is part of the social contract.  Without these “niceties” the hum-drum of daily life will be disrupted with people saying and doing what they feel as opposed to what the social contract calls for.

The issue is when people become adults and even elderly adults and have not known anything but perfunctory nice, a guilt ridden “making nice.”  At some point of maturity we need to delve a bit beneath the surface of our very necessary persona and entertain that dimension of that heart that we have kept hidden.  This hidden dimension, the Apostle Paul called it, “the flesh,” requires a daily recognition that “there is none good, no not one” and that any good that we have done, are doing, and will do is only by the Grace of God.

Speaking personally now, I have been very “good” most of my life, so “good” that early in my life you would have probably wanted to just beat me with a stick if you had crossed paths with me!  I am glad that I had that perfunctory, guilt ridden goodness to proffer for it kept me from a lot of ugliness and, in spite of myself, brought goodness to the table occasionally, I hope!!!  But anything Good that I have offered, and offer today and hopefully in the future will lie in the tenor of my life and not in any specific thing I have done or said.  Character is woven into the very fabric of our being and is something that happens in spite of us rather than because of any conscious intent.  This is not to dismiss “conscious intent” but to recognize that there is something underway (perhaps “Someone” underway) that we know not of; that is, we “know” not of as in “wrap our heads around” it.  This leaves us in the quandary of life, swirling in its Mystery, described decades ago by W. Ian Thomas as, “The Mystery of Godliness.”  We find ourselves with the dilemma of “seeing through a glass darkly” when our ego is intent on “seeing through a glass clearly” or even seeing without the interference of any glass.  This dilemma requires faith, “the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”

“Hypocrites For Jesus Unite!”

I like to have fun and I’m gonna do so today on this blog.  Given my thoughts shared yesterday, let me imagine starting a campaign calling for “Hypocrites for Jesus” to come out, joining others…, well, ahem, ahem…for some purpose which I presently cannot imagine!  I guess I’m aware of how much “joining” and the pleasure of “belonging to other joiners” appeals to me as much as it appalls me.

But there is a serious dimension to this vein of thought which I shared yesterday. We are all actors, though “imperfect actors on this stage of life,” per Shakespeare, yet our ego wants to delude us into thinking our faith is the “real thing.”  Nevertheless, as long as we are human, we will not have or be the “real thing” in any respect; and who would want to be anything but “human”?  To answer my question, “the ego would” as the ego is a dimension of our human-ness that seeks to lead us into non-human dimensions of life, leading toward “inhumane” attitudes, beliefs, and behavior.  This ego is what the Apostle Paul called “the flesh” and led him to admit on one occasion, “I will to do good, but evil is present with me.” Without this “self” awareness that the Spirit of God wishes to give us, we will be incapable of this Pauline wisdom and find ourselves making choices that have nothing to do with God and everything to do with the ego.  Oh yes, we will likely declare loudly and boisterously that “God is leading me” but that does not mean He is .  In fact, listen to what Shakespeare had to say about the “loud and boisterous” displays of faith:

There are no tricks in plain and simple faith.

But hollow men, like horses hot at hand,

Make gallant show and promise of their mettle.

And I oughta know about this hyperbolic displaying of faith! I have spent most of my life “like horses hot at hand” in my faith because deep in my heart I yearned for a faith which I’m only now able to tippy-toe into, a faith requiring the humility to entertain doubt, insecurity, weakness, and fear. Though I’m being facetious here, my “plea” for Christians to acknowledge their hypocrisy has a degree of seriousness to it.  We never escape being human and it is okay to be an “actor” in faith; realizing this and admitting it allows us to be less so.

The Hypocrisy Temptation of Faith

A little known quip from Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount was, “Thank God I’m not a Christian!”  Well, indulge my imagination anyway!!!  This notion comes from something Carl Jung said in his heyday, “Thank God I’m not a Jungian.”  Jung knew that some of his devotees were a bit over the top and turning him into a cultic figure.  He recognized that his teachings for some were becoming mere clinical dogma, missing his true emphasis was a focus on the machinations of the heart.

There is nothing wrong with “being a Christian.”  The problem arises when it becomes an identity such as, “I am a Republican, or Democrat, or feminist, or wine connoisseur.”  These ego emphases are fine, being appropriate amusements or detractions, but not so fine if they become obsessions.  When they deteriorate into the obsessive domain, they can become deadly and therefore dangerous to the individual and all those he comes into contact with.

One’s Christian faith, or any other faith tradition, can become an obsession and therefore a function of the ego designed to hide the dimensions of the heart that faith should allow to surface.  Here I speak from experience, my faith having been for nearly all of my life mere prop designed to cover up my inner emptiness.  And faith is a good cover up, if you can “do a good job of it,’ that is succeed in the performance art of faith; it can give one a persona which will play very well with others who practice the same performance art.  Jesus called the performance artists of his day hypocrites, or “actors”, and had harsh things to say about them.

There is nothing wrong with being a hypocrite.  We are all actors to some degree and seeing this allows us the freedom and humility to own our short-comings when they stare us In the face.  As the Bible notes, “There is none good, no not one.”  But it sure helps if we can find the humility to accept our duplicity, insincerity, and hollowness and therefore find a “forgiveness” which is more than some abstract ethereal legal transaction.

Hypocrisy is Not Necessarily as Bad as it Sounds!

I had the extraordinary pleasure of participating in the most meaningful church experience of my life for several years in St. Paul’s Episcopalian Church in Fayetteville, Ar.  One high light was a meditation class on Sunday morning in which we would meditate for 20 minutes and then explore meditative wisdom for Christian and Eastern mystics.  One spin-off from this experience was a Wednesday morning “coffee” with a bunch of men in the library of that church where we would have coffee, doughnuts, and just “talk” as we passed the “talking stick” around.  This was a “spiritual” meeting without the onerous demands of the “spirituality” I grew up with in a conservative, evangelical church.  We just talked…and did so honestly.  We trusted each other.

One morning a retired psychologist, who I had the pleasure of getting to know personally, shared about his “hypocrisy.”  He did this by explaining that the hypocrites that Jesus was so hard own were just “actors” and Jesus was calling them to task for the “performance art” of their spiritual practices.  This friend was not wailing and moaning in a mea culpa “performance”; he was merely sharing an insight that his spiritual life had been mostly rote performance.  I think the whole of this small group immediately understood what he was saying, just as I did.  We realized that our faith, like our professional life and personal life had been, and even was, a “rote performance” in a very real sense.

But there was no need to wring our hands in guilt and shame.  We realized this was the human predicament, to discover that we “hold this treasure in earthen vessels” and that the vessels that we are often are “extremely earthy.”  There is nothing wrong with that.  The “wrong” occurs in refusing to acknowledging this and therefore owning our human-ness.  There is forgiveness in recognizing, and “confessing” our “wrongness” on this matter but if we cannot do so the forgiveness that is always there is avoided in the interest of our ego.

Watchman Nee and Our “Spinning” of the Gospel

One of the authors from my youth in fundamentalist Christianity that has “survived” my drifting away is Watchman Nee.  Nee was the son of Methodist parents, born in 1903 in Manchu China in the province of Shantou.  After his conversion in 1920 he headed out on a path toward a ministry which would lead him to establish local Christian churches even as Communism was beginning to take roots; when the Chinese Communist Party took power in 1949, Christians began to be heavily persecuted and as a result Nee spent the last 20 years of his life in prison.  If you want to know more about his very interesting life, see this Wikipedia link (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Watchman_Nee) as I would like to get directly into why I still find his teachings valuable.

Nee’s understanding of the Christian tradition was heavily influenced by his culture; everyone’s religious experience is heavily influenced by his culture though often the ego does not like to accept this.  When I first came across Nee’s teachings at the age of 20, I immediately recognized that he offered something different in his grasp of the Christian faith.  He saw Jesus and the whole of the Christian tradition in a less doctrinaire, legalistic fashion than I was accustomed to; I was intrigued and excited.  His faith was refracted through the lens of an Eastern culture. After four decades I have come to realize from reading his works many years ago, and still remembering his emphases, the importance of understanding the confinement that our culture can impose on our faith.  It has been important to realize the “spin” of the spiritual tradition I learned in my youth needed to be refracted through my own “personal” spin.  To put this into the parlance of the Christian tradition, this facilitates a “personal” relationship with Jesus.  If we don’t find the courage to find our own “spin”, we will spend our life in confinement to the spin we were born into and more than likely merely perpetuating the values of that culture.

It is important to realize we must not be to hard on the “spin” we were born into, an error I have been given too very often.  Spiritual teachings only come to us through a “spin” and the nitty-gritty of faith is in making it more personal.  This is recognizing what the Apostle Paul described as “the flesh” in our faith, a tendency to let our ego shape our faith into something that is very self-serving.  But the “spin” of our youth was a gift to us nevertheless as it laid on the table for us a spiritual tradition which we then had to find the maturity to explore in the depths of our heart, not merely with our mind. An Episcopalian priest who married my wife and I thirty years ago once made a point that is very relevant.  In one of his sermons he noted that Christianity was originally an Eastern religion and was drawn “kicking and screaming” into the West.  I didn’t realize in back in 1970 but Nee was introducing me to a Christian faith with a more nuanced, Eastern perspective in which boundaries were less distinct.  Less judgement became possible.